Inside The Mind .... Outside The Body ðŸ’
Hey guys!
Welcome back to my blog page! Thank you for all reading my last few blogs the support has been amazing once again!
This blog I’ve kind of covered before in my previous blogs but it’s more what I feel and see compared to what everyone else sees in me.
So it’s hard to describe how I actually feel for the last 7 years I’ve lived with social anxiety, anxiety, depression and insomnia. Having a mix of these is a big enough trigger to deal with within itself.
People say “man up” or “your fine” “have a cry it be okay after”
There are things you say and don’t say and them 3 are the ones you don’t say...
I wish I could man up and stop feeling like this I wish I could cry and feel better about life and about myself but crying only let’s out a small amount of anger pain hurt betrayal.
People often say how can you be depressed your always happy?.... your smiling your lying about depression ....you have loads of friends your not alone ......your to happy and well off to be depressed
The painted picture always speaks out more then you can ever express, for 7/8 years now I’ve learnt how to paint that portrait // picture with many colours other then black and white filters. Many days I’ve set my alarm for work and just lied there and cried my eyes out because I was to scared to get out of bed, to scared to face the world, to scared to function, it’s not just about being down over not having milk for a cup or tea or you don’t have any butter for your toast, it’s waking up and not being able to be you and function.
Does this make me any less of a human??
Why am I lying here like this ? Why can’t I be normal
I ask myself daily....
I’m 27 why do I feel like this?
I can get to work somedays and stand outside and before even facing the day I have to consume myself and get the paints out and paint that smile on.... here we go again
I make myself smile when inside I’m dying with pain and fear, anxiety isnt just scared my battery on my phones going to die it’s faving fear of failure , acceptance , being judged.
Even when your not being judged your brain can’t stop. It’s hard.
Facing each day can be a journey itself, a hard one a broken journey but worst one is being Ina room full of people who love you yet feeling so alone. Feeling an outcast or a misfit. It’s hard to be less then the world expects you to be. 2019 and we’re still expected to be “Normal” what is normal? Is being normal .. normal?
Please guys and girls don’t let fear anxiety depression bod or any other kind of Mental Health ruin your life or ruin who you are! We have got this and we have got each other, talk out speak to someone .
I still have my bad days now but I’m trying g to turn my life around, going to the gym making sure my friends are okay. They look after you make sure you look after them. Because when you feel like you have nobody.. remember you have each other.. don’t let someone face things alone, speak up and speak out! You could save yours and someone else’s life...
Thank you guys for listening and reading I hope I haven’t rambled to much and I hope you all realise your worth and importance.... thank you Adam 💙
#YouMatter #MentalHealthAwareness #DontSufderInSilence My twitter handle is - @_Ad20
Welcome back to my blog page! Thank you for all reading my last few blogs the support has been amazing once again!
This blog I’ve kind of covered before in my previous blogs but it’s more what I feel and see compared to what everyone else sees in me.
So it’s hard to describe how I actually feel for the last 7 years I’ve lived with social anxiety, anxiety, depression and insomnia. Having a mix of these is a big enough trigger to deal with within itself.
People say “man up” or “your fine” “have a cry it be okay after”
There are things you say and don’t say and them 3 are the ones you don’t say...
I wish I could man up and stop feeling like this I wish I could cry and feel better about life and about myself but crying only let’s out a small amount of anger pain hurt betrayal.
People often say how can you be depressed your always happy?.... your smiling your lying about depression ....you have loads of friends your not alone ......your to happy and well off to be depressed
The painted picture always speaks out more then you can ever express, for 7/8 years now I’ve learnt how to paint that portrait // picture with many colours other then black and white filters. Many days I’ve set my alarm for work and just lied there and cried my eyes out because I was to scared to get out of bed, to scared to face the world, to scared to function, it’s not just about being down over not having milk for a cup or tea or you don’t have any butter for your toast, it’s waking up and not being able to be you and function.
Does this make me any less of a human??
Why am I lying here like this ? Why can’t I be normal
I ask myself daily....
I’m 27 why do I feel like this?
I can get to work somedays and stand outside and before even facing the day I have to consume myself and get the paints out and paint that smile on.... here we go again
I make myself smile when inside I’m dying with pain and fear, anxiety isnt just scared my battery on my phones going to die it’s faving fear of failure , acceptance , being judged.
Even when your not being judged your brain can’t stop. It’s hard.
Please guys and girls don’t let fear anxiety depression bod or any other kind of Mental Health ruin your life or ruin who you are! We have got this and we have got each other, talk out speak to someone .
I still have my bad days now but I’m trying g to turn my life around, going to the gym making sure my friends are okay. They look after you make sure you look after them. Because when you feel like you have nobody.. remember you have each other.. don’t let someone face things alone, speak up and speak out! You could save yours and someone else’s life...
Thank you guys for listening and reading I hope I haven’t rambled to much and I hope you all realise your worth and importance.... thank you Adam 💙
#YouMatter #MentalHealthAwareness #DontSufderInSilence My twitter handle is - @_Ad20
Well wrote mate and incandescent relate to what your saying unfortunately my depression and anxiety cost me my job that I'd been in for 18 years when company decided that due to level of absence and no significant improvement in my well being they sacked me on lack of capabilities now I find my self struggling even more through the financial impact.
ReplyDeleteWell wrote and I can relate ^^
ReplyDelete