Life before mental health and living with it now..

Hey guys it’s me again!

Hope you’ve all enjoyed my last blogs, this one is similarity to the first blog I did but this time I’m going to explain more in depth how I feel and what’s it was like before I had Been diagnosed with living with a mental health issue.

Growing up I had a brilliant childhood like most children I grew up making friends really easily not a worry in the world. Went to family things loving life. Life was great I had a coupe car I would go in it whenever I wanted. I had a toy shop run my own buisness as a kid loved life doing that not a worry not a issue in the world. Went to primary school did painting did colouring had naps, then came growing up.

Secondary school ( year 7-11 ) this is where things went wrong for me. I’m gonna be honest I’ve never been a skinny lad or one the lads that has the best looks or the nice teeth or the lad who was popular at school I was me I was average built had spots because of my teenage years.
I wasn’t the brightest at school I tried so hard to fit in and hard to make my grades be high so people could be proud of me but yeah that didn’t work either.
I ended up needing teeth out and braces at school and this made me paranoid and made me have a breakdown too because I knew what school years was like, and yeah my expectations came true...
The name calling started... brace face // jaws // mental mouth.
Then they started on my weight your fat your spotty you have braces nobody’s going want u around nobody will like u... that’s when it began,

I started to loose the small amount of confidence that I had about myself, I stopped tucking my school shirt in because I looked thinner as it was baggy, never smiled anymore so didn’t have to show my teeth and braces. It’s things like this now I see in this day in age where bullying can be a massive effect on mental health. It’s started ass jokes and messing about to then actually digging out my faults and making people know I had these faults. I stopped eating for a while because I thought missing meals would help me loose weight but it in fact made me worse I would miss a meal then make myself ill but I never lost weight from it but mentally I did. Till I realised it made it 1000xs worse.

I got to my final year in school and decided enough is enough and stopped listening and by this time I realised I wasn’t my happy self I wasn’t adam everyone knew my nickname “smiler” faded out and I became just adam. This is where I also found it effected me but I didn’t know what mental health was back then I was only young.

Later on it got worse but I hadn’t noticed the signs. I lost my great-grandparents and this was my first ever encounter of a family  bereavement  I didn’t know what it was like I didn’t know how I felt, I felt lost and empty and hurt but I didn’t understand why?

I then went on to growing up and being in a group of friends who ended up not even liking me they used me to make up numbers for the group and chill with. Silly me hey! Thought people actually liked me. They started picking on me making fun of me punching me. But because I wanted friends to saw it as a joke and messing about. Again silly me!
I now talk to a couple of them who have said sorry and regret being like it with me but still keep my guard up over it. Again this effected me and I hadn’t realised this either till I went to the doctors which I’ll explain later on....

Then came when I thought I was okay to live with my best mate at the time and be responsible..
this is where my trust issues were ruined! Because they got me Into money trouble and lied throughout to me and said they paid the rent in the end I ended up in a dark place and moving home because I struggled to cope with the situation my friend had caused!

Then came the hardest part..: my parents broke up! This hit me so hard I always saw it on tele and thought it will never happen to ya wee strong but it did and that destroyed me too but now there both happy many years later and I couldn’t be happier for them! I have another little sister to love and it’s amazing!

Then I decided it wasn’t time to do something because I wanted to be adam again I wanted to be me! The adam I used to be when I was little! So I spoke to my close friends and broke down after explain how I feel all the time they advices me to call the doctors! Why was this so hard to do? I would ring them up the phones would ring and ring then ... “hello this is your doctors and surgery reception how can I help you...?” *Hung up! I couldn’t do it* I felt weak I felt like a looser I felt like I was defeated by ringing up and asking for help! This destroyed me

5 attempted later I finally made an appointment with a doctor and health mentor and explained to them all of the above and it’s been along road to recovery and damn! I’m no where near where I want to be but I’m getting there!
If I could offer you all one bit of advice then is this :

Please don’t give up on yourself! Don’t give up on your hopes and dreams
Don’t think your weak for opening up! It’s normal to open up!
Your not any less of a human or a man or women for talking!

Your doing amazing!
Please talk to somebody if your feeling like your struggling!
Your sick not weak!

Thank you all for taking the time to read this story of mine it’s abit more in depth then my first blog post and I hope this story helps people reaslise where it could be starting to effect you!

Thank you all for your support and kind words over the last year on Twitter an texts!

Joining Twitter was the best thing I ever did! Made some amazing friends on there who now I class as family! Love them all to bits! No words can ever describe how thankful I am for them all!

#SickNotWeak
#BullyingIsNotOkay
#MentalHealthAwareness

Thank you again! Adam 🙌🏻💙

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